Taking an Inch

One of the worst effects of Victim Culture is how it adversely affects those who adhere to it most stridently.  I suppose one could find it just, but I’m inclined to view it as tragic.  Regardless, if you’ve ever gotten to know a Professional Victim, you’ll find you have very little to envy.  Usually, they have perpetual financial difficulties, sometimes they’ve learned to exploit the System for every penny it’s worth and have enormous wealth or stature.  Either way, they’re miserable.

Of course, they blame everybody else for their misery.  If would be untrue to say that they never have a point (some things really are working against them), but it countries without actively oppressive laws, it’s primarily the mentality of the Victim that prevents his or her happiness.

For mental well-being requires an Ethic of Gratitude, an ability to focus on and appreciate what’s going right.  To consider oneself a Victim who’s Entitled to other people’s stuff, you’ve got to dwell on, mentally catalog, search your past to discover, and make sure everybody else knows all the crap that’s happened to you since before you were even born.  If you spend an entire week without somehow being adversely affected because of your womanhood/sexual identity/race/class/history of abuse/etc., you lose those all-important reminders of what you spend so much time and energy cultivating:  your identity as a Victim.

So you’ve got to focus on it, perpetually, no matter how good things objectively are.  Is it understandable to think this way?  Hell yes, it’s understandable, so understandable that sometimes we all do it.

But it’s horribly counterproductive.  Sometimes we all feel like the world owes us, but some of us actively work to overcome that tendency within ourselves.  Others do everything in their power to preserve it.

Moreover, sometimes we’re even right to believe we’ve been screwed over.  Yet the more right you are, the more important it is to solve your problems instead of just bitch about them.

The Ethic of Entitlement

This lack of gratitude leads to the Ethic of Entitlement, a world in which you not only never have enough, you also feel like other people should give it to you.  Of course, simply being given to never quench the thirst; after all, you deserve it and could undoubtedly get more.

Hence, the woman who gets the outrageously expensive engagement ring now dropping hints for a push present.  It’s the mindset that could come up with a thesis about how deprived she feels at a university millions of people of all races would feel beyond privileged to attend.

A sense of Victimhood can be amplified simply by comparing somebody else’s good fortune with your own.  Obviously, some things merit more complaint than others; surviving child abuse is objectively more difficult to overcome than Jenny having a nicer bracelet than you.

Nonetheless, if Kathleen finds that complaining about last year’s anniversary will eventually convince Fred to buy her a nicer bracelet than Jenny’s, last year’s anniversary will undoubtedly feel as unjust as losing both parents in concentration camp.

If she gets the bracelet, she’ll glean no more long-term satisfaction from it than Michelle Robinson did from her acceptance to Princeton.  At first, glee.  Shortly thereafter, “Sure, that’s great, but…”  Still, being that way gets you stuff, and it you feel justified in getting it.  Never mind the long-term misery.  Each victory gives a great little rush that she won’t ever need again if she could only get that job/those earrings/Scott/perpetual validation for her weight from each and every person on planet earth.

The Ethic of Guilt

Like I stated in my last post, it’s much better to feel Entitled than Benighted.  There are lefties who get off on being oppressors who outsource virtue to the government through voting other people’s money into deserving pockets.  However, often you’ll find lefties who love to play benefactor until it actually adversely affects them personally.  Anointeds love to play Benighted when it doesn’t actually inconvenience them.

Actually being Benighted sucks, especially when you’ve already established yourself as Entitled.  You’ve spent countless hours in women’s studies classes learning about all the ways that every commercial you see is a manifestation of how you’ve been screwed.  The last thing you want to hear is somebody who’s been even more screwed telling you to shut up and listen to them.

Which is why I’m a staunch supporter of “Operation Lollipop“, false Tweeters who play the role of Feminists of Color criticizing white feminists for all their privilege.  They’ve got a point (most white feminists are spoiled rotten), but when this point is made within Victim Culture instead of in opposition to it, it calls into question that very Culture itself.

An Entitled woman learning that her Victim status doesn’t grant her all the goodies she deserves causes internal conflict.  She may accept her role within the hierarchy, maybe even cling to it in that her groveling before the Truly Oppressed gives her mental justification to be even nastier to her oppressors (she’s been so damn sympathetic to Erika’s plight that she deserves to indulge her feelings and really give it to that pro-lifer).

However, it’s also possible that she just won’t find accepting the Victim mentality quite as much fun.  Who the hell actually wants to do stuff like this?  She bought into this whole oppression thing because it would get her stuff, not because she wanted to “[L]ook for ways that you are racist, rather than ways to prove you’re not.”  Feeling more guilty than everybody else can lead to a sense of superiority for a while, but if you have any sense of Self you’ll eventually get sick of it.

Indeed, the serious feminist won’t be dissuaded, but it will take away some of the emotional gratification some feminists get from their beliefs.

The Ethic of Gratitude

We can hope that every once in a while a professional Victim will notice an ugly reflection of themselves in how the Truly Oppressed try to lord it over them.  Obviously, we’d rather our daughters not get spoiled in the first place.  As Alpha males we can help to instill a sense of gratitude in the women in our lives by pointing out how good they have it.  After all, if you really do what it takes to make a woman appreciate what she’s got, she actually likes it.

But more importantly, we’ve got to defeat the demon of Entitlement within ourselves.  It’s going to be much harder to convince her to not be so damn bothered by the objectification of women in the fashion magazines she reads when you’re spending every night whining about that time your dad ripped into you too hard for that fumble in pee-wee football.

I’m pissed that it took me so long to find, and then swallow, the Red Pill.  I’ve had some objective strikes against me that I could write about forever.  I don’t always reflect on my own life with all the gratitude I should.

Still, I’m getting over it, even though some of it’s still happening.  I recognize that some have had it much worse, and somehow managed to be happy.  I’ve got no real excuse.

I don’t always understand what it’s like to go through something, but I do understand that holding onto whatever it is for too long only wears at you no matter what gifts you get or justification you feel from bitching a lot.  The better I learn this and become happy myself, the more effective I become at fighting Victim Culture in our society and the Victim Mentality in those I encounter personally.

If you’ve got a problem, solve it.  When there’s a wrong, we should right it.  Yet those who don’t appreciate what they’ve got now won’t appreciate any future wrongs we right for them in the future, either.

Just like she got sick of that shiny ring a week later.  If she’s got the wrong mindset, nothing you do for her will do her any good.

This entry was posted in Alpha, Culture, Feminism, Politics, Race. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Taking an Inch

  1. earl says:

    Our priest gave a homily over gratitude a couple weeks ago. Having this attitude prevents two problems.

    Entitlement and cynicism.

    I don’t think I need to go into more detail about which gender suffers which problem the most…but it is just as important to not be cynical about life too. I find myself struggling with that.

  2. Martel says:

    We all suffer from that. If problems 1-5 in my life were all immediately solved tomorrow, within two weeks problems 6-10 would bug me just as much as 1-5 do now.

    Of course I’m better than some others at it, and I’m better than I used to be, but it requires perpetual vigilance.

  3. Emma the Emo says:

    Great post, I agree with this. If you feel like everything is working against you, you just have to remind yourself that not literally EVERYTHING is working against you. Lots of stuff is going for you, so use it in new and creative ways. If something’s not working, it’s not a good idea to panic, start bitching and blaming everyone and everything – it’s better to treat it as a challenge/adventure instead. It might be tempting to bitch endlessly, but it’s so bad…You might get something out of your complaints, but you’re teaching yourself that the world is against you and you can barely change anything.

  4. Hannah says:

    We’re a stiff necked people… ought to be grateful and thankful for life but instead always whining and complaining!
    One thing that tips the scales is being truthful about what we REALLY deserve, rather than what we imagine we’re entitled to. That quickly puts me in my place, and reminds me of God’s mercy and grace. Of that I’m eternally grateful!
    And considering those less fortunate than ourselves reminds us to be thankful for what we have been given…
    Beyond that, who are we to waggle our fingers at God and questioning Him?!

    Great post Martel – welcome back and I hope you enjoyed your break btw 🙂

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  8. Jose says:

    That word “Entitlement” always leaves a bad taste in my mouth after I say it. I see it as a dirty word which encompasses all that is wrong with modern society. Today’s youth especially have embraced it instead of pushing it away! I live in a nice part of town where you see these young people zipping around in brand new beamers and benzes and yet have no jobs to pay for it. They prance around in expensive handbags and their lattes without a care in the world.

    I have a 19 year old who also thinks she’s is “Entitled” to the same things her friends have. This makes me angry but as a father I must be calm and diplomatic when I speak to her so that she understands why she is not “Entitled” to anything in life. I know it’s a bit harsh but I’m trying to prepare her for the day she hits the wall at full speed and wonder what happened. I told her you want he things your girlfriends have? The you need to get your skinny ass a job and work for it! Like that when you buy it with your own money you will tend to appreciate it more than if I were to buy it for you.

    Slowly she is coming around but I did notice that those who think are “Entitled” tend to lean more to women than men. Although I have seen some men who think that they are entitled as well the majority though tend to be women. I think society may have something to do with it.

    Great post Martel!

  9. Martel says:

    Glad to have you as a reader. You’ve lots of great insights.

    “Slowly she is coming around but I did notice that those who think are “Entitled” tend to lean more to women than men. Although I have seen some men who think that they are entitled as well the majority though tend to be women. I think society may have something to do with it.”

    I think you’re right in that society has become more feminine, and although males adopt the mindset, it’s a feminine phenomenon.

    Males are biologically pre-disposed to be wealth creators, whereas females are wealth distributors. The male has or doesn’t have according to what he makes, whereas the female has or doesn’t have according to what she’s given.

    Therefore, it makes perfect sense for a female to maximize her sense of entitlement because this means she should be given more. To men, buildings, iPhones, and all this other great stuff we’ve got are the result of toil, but from the feminine perspective, this stuff goes not to the most productive creators but to she who’s the most entitled.

    That so many males also adopt this strategy also speaks very poorly of our society. I don’t care how “hard” lots of urban thugs may seem, they fundamentally adopt a feminine strategy for resource acquisition. I shouldn’t have to make it, for you should have to give it to me.

    Good luck with your daughter. It seems like you’re doing a good job, but I don’t envy you.

  10. Emma the Emo says:

    I always wonder – is it possible to help someone out of the victim mindset, if they are deeply stuck in it, but you know they are not meant to have it?
    I noticed something that happens mostly with older people. They are hardworking all their lives, and then things in their country change. They either fail to adapt (you can’t always teach an old dog new tricks), or luck is against them like it is against many others. And they age, burn out, and gradually, they go from responsible and hardworking to entitled, blaming the country for everything, and miserable even when welfare comes along and supports them. Of course, I can understand the anger felt by those who are tossed away as used and expendable after a lifetime of good work, but it’s a source of misery. It can’t go on for years.
    Sometimes I think it’s overly optimistic to expect someone in their 60s to have the same energy and flexibility as someone much younger, but maybe I’m wrong. Is someone like this “done for”?

    • Martel says:

      I use a three-step process. First, genuine sympathy. I acknowledge the ways in which they’ve been screwed over (to the extent I actually believe they’re right) and set myself as an ally instead of an opponent. Second, transition using a phrase similar to “it might be their fault, but it’s YOUR problem. It might not be fair that you are where you are, but that’s where you are. It’s up to YOU to take care of it.” Third, focus them entirely away from who’s fault it is and instead on what works/what doesn’t work. Obviously there’s more detail involved with all of these, but that’s the gist.

      Older folks like those you describe are a bit tougher in that there’s also a sense of regret. They’re more likely to know they’ve screwed up, even if they won’t admit it even to themselves.

      In such cases the closest thing to a solution I can come up with is the steps I already described combined with religion. When this life is almost done, yes, you can take steps to “redeem yourself”, but a focus on the next life can be mind-opening in ways that I don’t think anything else can be.

  11. Father Marker says:

    And article on toxic charity observed there are five stages in charity

    Give once and you elicit appreciation;

    Give twice and you create anticipation;

    Give three times and you create expectation;

    Give four times and it becomes entitlement;

    Give five times and you establish dependency.

    • Martel says:

      Give two dozen times while somebody’s simultaneously telling them that whoever’s been giving to them OWES them and should have been giving twice as much all along and you create a victim predator.

      Great comment.

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