Dread-Locked

Dread.  It’s one of the more difficult aspects of Game for those who want to believe that there’s something more to this whole inter-sexual dynamic thing than hormonal cycles and biological imperatives.  I don’t dispute that it works, but I can tell I’m not alone in that although I know it’s true, I still kind of wish it wasn’t.  Or more precisely, maybe it works, but do I really have to use it?  Did my grandfather really have to worry about this crap?

He probably didn’t, but you do.

Let’s examine Rollo’s Cardinal Rule of Relationships:

In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

Fine, but then how the hell did relationships last a hundred years ago when we never heard about great-grandpa leaving great-grandma in the middle of a cornfield somewhere, giving her a few hours to “think it over” before he trotted by on his horse and gave her a ride home when she was cold, wet, and terrified?

One reason is that we weren’t particularly likely to hear about it, for this isn’t the type of thing that great-grandma shares with her twenty-odd grandchildren and great-grandchildren around the fireplace on Christmas morning.  Nor were the writers of the day likely to remark on it when it happened in romance novels.

But still, as true as Rollo’s Rule may be, it’s really hard to believe that it’s always been this way, that’s it’s always been this bad.

And that’s because it wasn’t.

Hyper-Hypergamy

In olden days of yore, even beta males were Alpha by today’s standards.  Yet even those who weren’t particularly Alpha were still able to maintain a similar frame in that they were still “the one who needs the other the least.”

Back then, she depended on him for income, today she’s got “You-Go-Girlism.”  If she was caught cheating on him then, society would frown upon her en masse; today he gets blamed for not adequately getting in touch with her emotional needs.  There were fewer opportunities to cheat (the logistics of cheating is easier to navigate in small towns today than it was in big cities in prior eras), no Facebook to remind her how special she is every two minutes, no movie stars or professional athletes for her husband to not measure up to, and no political movements telling her she had a right to make beta males she’s never met pay for her kids independence.  She was more likely to attend church, and in church she was more likely to be reminded of her duties as a wife.

So unless her husband was a hapless omega, he didn’t need to provide much dread because everyone and everything else was doing it for him.  There was far more dread associated with hooking up with the wrong guy and getting pregnant back then than there is associated with getting caught in the act by her husband today.

In fact, PUA’s in prior eras used to actively lessen the prospect of dread by using over-the-top promises of eternal love that would utterly flop today.  Just read or watch Dangerous Liaisons (the movie’s great, book’s better) and you’ll see countless examples.

Women had the same hypergamic instincts they do today, but far more dread to counter it.  If a woman in other eras pulled this crap, he wouldn’t need a week-long freeze-out, he could probably just tell her parents, or the preacher, or any of her friends, and she’d be ruined.

Today, it’s the complete opposite.  If the vast majority of Americans heard the anecdote I cite in the previous paragraph, they would be horrified.  If instead of running back into his arms she banged the plumber, she would hear infinite choruses of “you go girl!” (including many from her church, if she even attends one).

It’s a bit deterministic for my taste, but Roosh largely nails it when he describes The True Nature of Women:  Water takes the shape of the container it fills.  The container for the modern woman is the perpetual reminder that she can do better, that her feelings matter more than anyone else’s, that she has the right to have children with whomsoever she chooses and somebody else has to fit the bill, that men are idiots if they don’t find her attractive, that she has the right to quash the God-given liberties of any who might offend her, that she has the right to make it as tempting as humanly possible for a male to have his way with her but bears no responsibility at all if things go awry, that it’s perfectly okay for her to cheat on her husband.

Where I differ with Roosh is that I believe that although a substantial portion of a woman’s “container” is determined by her hormones, upbringing, environment, and other external factors, she’s not just some empty vessel that floats with the wind.  Her choices also matter, there’s a little voice inside of her that sometimes tells her things that the Hamster doesn’t want to hear, and it’s her job to listen to it.

Still, even the most loyal of wives, the sweetest and most feminine single girls, virgins and whores alike all have their hypergamic tendencies reinforced countless times almost every day.  It’s hard for us to not look down one chick’s shirt when she bends over.  If it happens fifty times a day, you’re gonna catch a few glimpses.

So, regardless of how right a guy may be when he tells women to stop shit-testing, it’s not going to happen:

“[Her] grandma had the same urges, but contrary to your ilk she easily got it under control.”

But her grandma also had about four hundred reasons to get it under control that women today don’t have,  including societal sanctions against shit-testing instead of in favor of it, churches that didn’t automatically take the woman’s side, a legal system that didn’t give her undue leverage, Facebook posts telling her she’s the cat’s ass dozens of times every day, etc.

Nevertheless, even if the modern can’t stop it, she can “[get] it under control”, although it won’t be “easy”, and she’s going to have to limit herself when she’s not even around her man if she wants to control it.  She might have to go to the gas station with the frumpy old Indian dude instead of the one with the amateur body-builder.  She’s got to want to succeed, desperately.

Still, even though men don’t have the backup they should have, we’re NOT powerless.  We have the ability to be as Alpha as we know how, we can learn Game and how to apply it, and we know how to shut down her tests.  The better women will have fewer than the shrews we need to leave behind, but all of them are going to have a least a few.

But if it ever gets too much, we’ve got something she’ll never be able to counter.  As men, we have a Weapon that’s infinitely more effective than any culture or legal system.

And we have to be willing to use it.

This entry was posted in Alpha, Feminism, Politics. Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to Dread-Locked

  1. donalgraeme says:

    I have thought for a while that the cultural changes which have occurred in the last century have been far more important than the legal changes when it comes to the actual impact on the state of marriage today. Reading through your post Martel, it appears we might be on the same page here. While child-support laws and divorce laws now are clearly biased against men, the danger they pose would be minimal if society condemned their use as we see today. Society-wide Dread is a powerful force, especially against women, who tend to be much more attuned and responsive to culture at large.

    • Martel says:

      Yes. No matter how awful the divorce laws, it wouldn’t matter so much if there weren’t so much divorce. People (especially women) are far more terrified of what others think of them than legal structures, and if getting divorced were as uncool as “homophobia”, we’d be seeing a hell of a lot less of it.

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  4. earl says:

    I was discussing this on another blog…but I believe this statement.

    “The person with the strongest faith has the most power in a relationship.” You can take that as religious faith or faith in yourself.

    The person with the fewest fears has great power. Men back in the day had fewer fears…and women had more to lose. Today the script has been flipped in that a man can make one wrong move and be in jail…a woman can go as far as killing a guy and get a slap on the wrist and they have many ways to get cash and prizes.

    Which is why the guys who are single doing their own thing are very attractive to women…they have few fears….the least being women in general. A married guy has a gun pointed to his head everyday by the state and her whims.

    • Martel says:

      But one advantage we have from this is that fearlessness in a man (whether from faith or just being a badass) is inherently sexually attractive to women. Because of the “guns” men have pointed at their heads every day (divorce law, sexual harassment law, etc.), a man who doesn’t give a damn about those “guns” is going to seem doubly attractive compared to the other males around him.

      That’s what I wrote about here: https://alphaisassumed.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/the-weapon/

      • Stingray says:

        Martel,

        I wrote something along these lines here. If you’ve already seen it, apologies for the repeat. It similar to what you are saying here.

      • Martel says:

        Apology unnecessary but accepted (I have seen it, but my readers may not have). What you SHOULD apologize for, however is quoting Rousseau. That quote’s okay, but like all Great Liars he bases his warpedness with a modicum of truth. I haven’t finished my post yet that will be called “Rousseau: The Matriarchy’s Patriarch”.

        But no hard feelings, for your post was of exceptional quality and elaborates on this phenomenon from the perspective of the individual female. Indeed, much of your inability to fathom leaving your man is his Alphitude, but you’ve admitted that submission has been a challenge for you nonetheless. It’s one you’ve overcome, but all the little voices in your ear telling you to be a Womyn probably didn’t help.

        I’m mulling over your artfully constructed note and will respond in kind shortly. I thank you for it.

      • earl says:

        Yeah that’s basically what I’m saying.

        The man who is a 10 is the one with no fear. Our number scale varies on how much we censor our masculinity.

      • donalgraeme says:

        “The man who is a 10 is the one with no fear. ”

        When it comes to assigning a rating to the Power value in LAMPS, I agree. Fearlessness is the most obvious sign of Power that I can think of.

      • Stingray says:

        Yeah, you’re right about Rousseau, of course. I was not familiar with him at the time. I have since learned more about him and was not pleased. Although, as you said, that one quote was ok. Having learned a bit more, he seems quite the manipulative fellow.

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  6. It took me a while considering my upbringing but lately it’s been a question I ask myself all the time. “Does what I’m doing bring more value to my life?” That’s the question that made me draw the inevitable conclusion that it was in my best interest to kick my last girl to the curb.

    • Martel says:

      I think Stingray in an earlier comment summed up why you did it right:

      “Do you have any idea how incredibly important this is? When you find this man, the one to whom you are just an afterthought, it becomes the woman’s job to make him see her. Of course, it is her looks that will get her visually seen, but what does a man like this care for looks other than to enjoy? It is when she can accomplish really being seen that she feels like a princess. Those moments when she can make herself come to the forefront of his mind and forget for a moment about his mission. These moments are intoxicating. It’s where a woman’s power can really shine through.”

      A man must never forget his mission. This is what makes him alive, and BINGO, it also happens to get women all hot and bothered. When you’re so dedicated to what you are that it’s hard for you to even SEE her, that makes you the man that women want, and the only type of man that will ever satisfy a worthy woman.

      • earl says:

        This is where I feel sorry for PUAs. There mission in life is only bedding women. Sure they gave some good types, advice to sexless guys, and wrote a few books…but they will leave no real lasting legacy.

        Don Juan might be known to some people…but until the power goes out, people will always remember Thomas Edison.

  7. Emma the Emo says:

    I’m not sure granma really got it under control. It’s just that divorce was hard to come by, and granpas had to stay with nagging granmas. Many people, I suspect, simply learned to tolerate each other. They also had more things to worry about and more on their hands.

  8. A♠ says:

    Great post, Martel.

    Not only do I agree with your words, but—

    you saved me a great deal of typing.

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