Musings, Odds & Ends (guest post by deti)

There are some who say  that the so-called “bottom 80%” of men have sorely misjudged their own sexual and marriage market values, because they are punching above their weight, going for girls out of their league.   They all want the homecoming queen, the beauty pageant winner.   They all want one really hawt woman and will dump a lesser model for a hawter one.

First, there’s a whiff of “know your place, and don’t try to chasewomen you have no chance with”.  Not going to fly in today’s world, where men have nothing to lose by aiming high.  Second, it’s a massive projection fail.   Flip the sexes, and we have a precise description of women’s prime sexual strategy.   The difference between men and women is that men run an up front, honest game most of the time. Most men are clear about what they want – a reasonably physically attractive, faithful, nonstupid, nonbitchy girl with her head on straight and her priorities in proper order of importance.  Unlike women, with most men, “want” and “can get” are two very, very different things, and men learn this early on.  Most men know they can’t even breathe the same air as the highest SMV women.   So they take what they can get.

 

Some also talk about sex and relationships being extremely costly and risky for women.   The idea is something of a throwback to evo biology and evo psych.   It’s said that women have to be really selective in their sex partners/mates because every sex act can result in pregnancy, and if they mess up that decision, it’s two decades of work and heartache.

Sex is no longer costly or risky for women.   Modern technology has reduced the odds of unplanned pregnancy to near-zero.  The risk of STDs is quite low if condoms are used.  Any moron who can take a pill at the same time every day or even improperly use a condom can stay pregnancy and disease free.   Slut shaming?  Don’t make me laugh.  There are absolutely NO social or cultural sanctions against premarital or extramarital sex anymore.  Even most of the women you know from church have done or are doing it.  Besides, to the extent there are sexual risks and costs, most women have made it crystal
clear they’re willing to run the risks and pay the costs if the guy is hawt enough or they need the ego boost badly enough.

If sex is so costly and risky, and women have to bear a disproportionate amount of that risk, then shouldn’t women be saving it for marriage or Really Serious Relationships?   It’s odd to hear women in the same breath talk about how risky and costly sex is, and then divulge casual sex stories about wild, passionate, bounce-off-the-walls sex with really hawt guys (the names of whom they can’t even remember), as just about every woman over age 19 seems to do.

 

I’m told there’s no such thing as an “alpha widow”.  It’s said that the alpha widow concept is men seeking excuses for their failure to sustain attraction.  If a man falls victim to an alpha widow it’s his fault for choosing poorly.

Bunk.   First, it’s not the man’s complete and total responsibility to “sustain attraction” in a relationship.  Denial of the alpha widow phenomenon completely absolves the female part of the equation of any responsibility whatsoever to nurture and cultivate attraction in a
relationship with her man.   It is as if women expect a man to be little more than a dancing monkey who must constantly ensure his woman is sufficiently attracted to him to keep the relationship in good health.  “Is this good enough?  Is THIS good enough?  How about this?  Are you still attracted?”  No man can possibly live his life this way.

Second, a lot of men aren’t good at selecting for many reasons.  No one has ever taught them how because society says that teaching men about their sexual value and sexual nature is evil and must be avoided.   A lot of sluts are exceedingly good at concealing sluttery and assuming the role of “good girl/wife material” when it comes time to seek husbands.  They engage in flat out fraud and deception about their partner counts and experiences.   Most sluts clean up well enough to fool an average man – they can cook, clean and put on a good show for an unsuspecting man’s family.  (They also use rapid sexual access to snag most thirsty men.)

Our entire society excuses, defends and justifies female conduct, because it’s for the “good cause” of getting these women married when they alight from, or get kicked off, the carousel.   At the same time society has intentionally sandbagged and malinformed men in
intersexual relationships, while simultaneously denigrating and deriding men in every way possible.  The express purpose of this is to give women every advantage while hampering men with every conceivable disadvantage.

 

There’s much talk lately of “male sexual entitlement” (MSE).   The claim is that  men’s “need” for sex is an attempt to justify “sexual aggression”.   It is also argued that low sociosexual value men claim that it’s time for them to “get theirs” and that they deserve a piece of the SMP pie.   It’s said that the manosphere is comprised of low value men agitating for “sexual socialism”, i.e. demanding that womengive low value men their “share” of sex.

Bunk.   There’s no MSE here.  Men don’t claim entitlement to sex.  What’s going on here is men learning the rules of the game. No, not the rules the Cathedral posted on the high arched doors.   No, not the artificial rules your pastor used to court his wife back in seminary school.   No, not the stupid rules your best friend from college was taught, and that he used to date the woman who became his ex- wife.

I’m talking about the  REAL rules.   The ones the top men use.   The ones the girls all know about but steadfastly refuse to admit using.  The ones Great Granddad Fred used to court Great Grandma Gert.   The ones Gert didn’t “like” but deep down knew about and understood.

It’s not about “sexual aggression”.  No, what you claim is “aggression” is actually boys chasing girls they like and finding out what works and what doesn’t work.   It’s not about “fairness”.  It’s not about men demanding affection or attention from girls who don’t like them.   It’s not about your strawman argument of ordinary guys demanding sex from prom queens and cheerleaders.

It’s about men figuring out how to find the girls who DO like them.  It’s about men figuring out what to do with and for those girls who do like them.   It’s about men telling girls “No Thanks” to “Let’s Just Be Friends”.  It’s about men figuring out how to get better.