A Red Refresher (guest post by deti)

Sometimes it’s helpful for the experienced man to remember how far he’s come, so he doesn’t forget the mistakes he used to make.    So, herewith a bit of red pill refresher.  File this under “A is A.”

—Looks matter.  Look your best physically.  Get in decent shape.  Dress well when you go out in public.

—Frame is everything.  Always, always, always YOUR frame.  Never her frame.

—Practice male headship.  You direct the overall course of the relationship.  If she isn’t down with that, you’ll know it soon enough.

— Your wants, needs, hopes, dreams, and desires for your relationship/marriage are important too.  It isn’t just about what she wants – what YOU want is also crucial.

—Hypergamy is real.  Women can control and master it, but it never goes away.  And it is ruthless and unforgiving.  Hypergamy’s sole function is to secure for its host woman the best man she can get at the time.  Hypergamy doesn’t care about your marriage, your children, your past contributions to your relationship, good character, other people, morality, right, wrong, good, or evil.    None of that matters if you are not the best man she can get, or that she thinks she can get.

—Most women are sexually attractive to most men.  But most men are not sexually attractive to most women.

—A woman decides in the first few minutes of meeting you how far you will EVER get with her.  If within the first 15 minutes of meeting a woman, you are not seeing clear and unmistakable signs of her attraction, bail out.  Invest absolutely NO further time or money in her.

—You get one, and only one, chance with a woman.

—Sexual attraction from a woman to a man means one and only one thing:  She wants to have sex with that man.  Be careful here, because the following things do not meet this criterion:

     Her liking you
     Her allowing you to orbit her
     Her continuing to date you
     Her continuing to accept free drinks, meals and entertainment from you
     Her having had sex with you in the past
     You wanting to have sex with her
     Her desire for marriage and/or children

—When it comes to dating and sex, don’t ever listen to what a woman says.  Watch what she does.  Or, don’t let a woman tell you who she is and what she wants.  Spend enough time with her, and she will show you who she is and what she wants.

—Never, ever take advice from any woman about dating, sex, or intersexual relationships.  This is true even of your mom and of female relationship advice columnists and bloggers.  Throw out everything your mom ever told you about intersexual relationships.  When mom pontificates on such things, smile politely and let it go in one ear and out the other.  Whatever mom says to do, do the opposite.

—Women control sexual access.

—Almost all the time, when it comes to sex a woman does what she wants to do.  Women have sex when and with whom they want, and don’t have sex when they don’t want to, regardless of their mental states, their stations, or their life circumstances.  Whatever a woman has done sexually in the past, she did those things because she WANTED to do them.  She had sex with other men because she wanted to do so.

—Even the most naïve, sheltered women know the score.  They know
what they’re getting when they go home with a PUA.  No woman gets
with a player unless she wants to.  No woman has sex in the bar
bathroom unless she wants to.  No woman has a same night lay or a
one-night stand unless she wants to.

—If she does not want to have sex with you, trust me –she won’t.

—There is one and only one reason why a woman breaks up a relationship with a man, and it is this:  She is no longer sexually attracted to him.  This is true no matter what stage of the “relationship” exists, whether the third date or 30 years of marriage.

—There is one and only one reason why a woman flakes on a man, and it is this:  She isn’t sexually attracted to him.  Corollary:  She found a bigger better deal.

—A human being is the sum total of his/her experiences.  You are what you do and everything you have done before up to this point.  You are not what you say you are, what you believe you are, or what you want to be.  You are not what you were.  You are what you do and what you have done up to this point.  This applies equally to men and women.

—You cannot change any of these rules.  God will not change any of
these rules, though He could if He wanted to.

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16 Responses to A Red Refresher (guest post by deti)

  1. donalgraeme says:

    Is the title supposed to be A Red [Pill] Refresher?

  2. Honeycomb says:

    Good Red Pill Refresher.

    Heck it could double as a intro/primer also.

  3. theasdgamer says:

    No. 1 Red Pill truth: The status of men has been declining since at least the 1950’s. Corollary 1: 80% of men are now unattractive to varying degrees. Corollary 2: Game is now required to get laid regularly. Corollary 3: The status of men will continue to decline because Feminism. Corollary 4: Because of VAWA, marriage is very risky for men. Corollary 5: Marriage is declining in frequency as the older marrieds die off. Corollary 6: Wealth is being transferred from men to women by the apex alpha (govt.)

    There’s another Red Pill truth but I haven’t figured out its importance:

    No. # Red Pill truth: Women don’t think like men. Women aren’t “grunts with cvnt$” just like men aren’t “chicks with d1cks”. Corollary 1: Don’t try to reason with a woman if she’s thinking emotionally. Corollary 2: Looks are far less important to a woman than they are to a man. Corollary 3: Women won’t assume risk like a man does. Corollary 4: Hypergamy. Corollary 5: Womens’ sexual strategy of Alpha fux/Beta bux. Corollary 6: Women are strongly influenced by their associated groups (the Herd), unlike men.

    You get one, and only one, chance with a woman.

    This is controversial. I have a post showing that a man can break out of the friend zone. My real life story. Unless vows were involved, I’d have Nexted her.

    You may grow to hate your wife, and your marriage may suck, so it’s your attitude towards your vows that really matters.

    There is one and only one reason why a woman breaks up a relationship with a man, and it is this: She is no longer sexually attracted to him. This is true no matter what stage of the “relationship” exists, whether the third date or 30 years of marriage.

    Nah, it might be that she lacks comfort even though he might turn her on that causes her to break up. She could also be more interested in an ex who shows up and still want to bang you later after the divorce. There might be loyalty questions, too.

    —There is one and only one reason why a woman flakes on a man, and it is this: She isn’t sexually attracted to him. Corollary: She found a bigger better deal.

    I wasn’t sure of the context. I guess you’re thinking of some sort of date here. Sure, she may flake on a SMV 8 man for a 9.

    —Never, ever take advice from any woman about dating, sex, or intersexual relationships.

    My mother and my grandma both warned me against Oneitis. But they grew up before the 1950’s. It’s a generational thing.

    Here’s another Red Pill truth:
    –Never ever take any advice from a Blue Pill man about dating, sex, etc.

    Women control sexual access.

    Lol, Apex alphas control sexual access to all women. After that it gets complicated. If a man is restricted by vows, but his SMV is high so that women send sexual signals his way (e.g., what women call the “breast brush”), then he controls sexual access for some women. Probably a high percentage of men who married in their twenties control sexual access–likely they should be reckoned to be “restricted alphas”.

  4. “what YOU want is also crucial”
    I would say one’s needs are actually a priority over a women’s needs.

    “—Most women are sexually attractive to most men. But most men are not sexually attractive to most women.”

    Not sure I agree with that. I think it’s more the other way round.

  5. deti says:

    donal: No, it was supposed to be “A Red Refresher”. I was going for alliteration. Might not have been the best effect.

    Honeycomb: Thanks.

    asdgamer: Good points. Men are unattractive. But query how much of the current problem is due to men’s unattractiveness and declining status, and how much is due to women having their own jobs and money and not having to deal with unattractive men?

    It’s a general rule that you get only one chance with a woman. That might be changing due to social media and people keeping in touch with high school and college hookups, but by and large it’s still the rule. Used to be you graduated high school or college, and you never saw those people again, ever. You never saw a young girlfriend grow old. You can now, in photos on facebook, and in real time.

    Martel: Thanks for putting this up.

  6. deti says:

    Something I thought used to be the rule, but isn’t, is the supposedly unforgiving nature of The Wall.

    Conventional wisdom is that once a woman hits The Wall, she’s done as a sexual entity. It’s disaster for her if she isn’t married. Men hope for a woman getting what she “deserves” with The Wall: Social and sexual ostracism, rejection and frustration, much as a young man of 18 to 22 feels.

    It just isn’t so. Roosh had a post up about this a while back, and I think he ‘s right.

    Most women are still finding men willing to marry them, even at ages 35 and 40. Some are having their first child at 40. I don’t see women being completely unable to marry – fat women, older women, uglier women look to me to be still able to marry. And sex isn’t out of the question either. Men are so thirsty they’re more than willing to have sex with older women. And a lot of women are able to keep at least some of their looks well into their 40s if they took care of themselves while younger. For a substantial cohort of women, The Wall doesn’t arrive until mid to late 40s, even early 50s.

    • @ deti

      Well,the wall is unforgiving in that a woman who is past the wall will not be able to marry the highest quality of man that she could have gotten if she was younger.

      Since most men are so thirsty for sex, it’s obvious that most women still get married although this is changing fairly rapidly. With the advent of male birth control and the like, I’m sure we will see some significant changes in the next decade.

      • deti says:


        Yes, very true. A post-Wall woman has reduced the quality of man she can marry.

        I think there will be changes in the next decade. I suspect the marriage rate will continue declining. The remarriage rate among men is literally cratering.

        I think you will see a lot more extremes. More men will drop out entirely in terms of going for long term relationships. But, more women will try to “marry down” in an effort to marry someone, anyone. A growing number will marry men they outearn; marry men of “lower” SES (i.e. women with advanced degrees marrying tradesmen). A few of those marriages will “work” long term; most will fail or be miserable, because women just don’t work like this in terms of attraction or long term contentment.

        There will be more long term relationships without civil or formal legal marriage. The legal system will rapidly catch up with the trend and will return to the old “common law marriage” concept, where men and women who lived together openly as husband and wife will be treated as such by law. The law will find ways for men to support women and children — men who live with or have long term relationships with baby mamas will be held legally and financially responsible to support their stepchildren — because the baby daddy/sperm donor can’t be found and the baby mama has moved on to a bigger/better deal.

  7. deti says:


    “Apex alphas control sexual access to all women. After that it gets complicated.”

    Yes, the top men can pretty much clean up sexually and have their pick of women. I’ve heard the stories from the HB 5s and HB 6s who wanted to sleep with the hottest hot men, the male 9s and 10s, and couldn’t, because they couldn’t compete with the HB 8s who were lining up to get whatever they could from these guys.

    But the point is: As a general rule, almost all the time, a woman decides who she will have sex with, when, where, how, and under what circumstances. That’s what I was really talking about here. The point is to get guys to remember that women hold “the sex card”. It’s her trump card, by far the most powerful weapon she has in her SMP arsenal.

    This is why I said a woman does pretty much what she wants to do sexually. There are those who wail and moan about men being responsible for a drunk woman; whatever happens to her on his watch is on him. Um, no. What she does while intoxicated is her responsibility, and hers alone. Ladies, you don’t get to blame the booze, because after all, you’re the one who ingested it. If she’s getting drunk and then having sex with a man, it’s because THAT’S WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO — get drunk and have sex.

    If a woman finds herself getting plastered, then wakes up the next morning naked in a strange bed with some vague memories of dancing at a bar and nitecapping it at a hot dude’s place (but not much else), she put herself in that situation and she’s responsible for it. She got there because she WANTED to do that. She might not have gone ahead with the sex had it not been for the heavy drinking. But, the drinking just freed up her inhibitions to go ahead with what she wanted to do.

    Men, never, ever forget this: Women are moral agents. Women have full moral responsibility for everything they do, no matter what mental or emotional state they inhabit at the time. Drunk? They’re responsible. High? They’re responsible. Strung out? Responsible. Depressed? Responsible.

    If women, and society, are going to hold my feet to the fire and demand that I account for everything I do; then we damn well ought make sure women are not immune from the same level of accountability.

  8. deti says:

    I keep coming back to this and realize I left out one of the most important things.

    Alpha Fux/Beta Bux.

    –In today’s society in which women have a myriad of social and sexual options, most women will pursue or try to pursue a dualistic strategy.

    Alpha Fux: At the zenith of her sexual power, from ages 18 to mid-late 20s, she pursues sex with the most attractive men she can muster. She does this for a number of reasons: attention, validation, affirmation, bragging rights, competition with other women, pleasure, for the hell of it, and for a longshot at maybe landing one of them for marriage. Most women are unable to get long term commitment from one of these men. The strategy persists because (1) every woman knows or has heard of some woman who succeeded; and (2) mass media and entertainment push the meme (“Pretty Woman”, “50 Shades of Grey”, Disney romcoms, smut books, romance novels, etc.)

    Beta Bux: Some event occurs to cause a strategy shift. A failed LTR with an alpha, addiction, abortion, a sexual disease, The Wall, baby rabies, even a brief failed first marriage. The most common event is a noteworthy birthday around age 30. She’s aging out, she’s been in the mix for a decade or more, all her past relationships and attempts have failed, and she’s coming up on (or passed) a double digit N. She’s got to “get serious”. She decides that those hawt guys just aren’t for her. So she sets her sights on the “nice guys” she ignored in her late teens and early 20s, and quickly snags one. Problem is, this man isn’t nearly as attractive to her as the men she used to have sex with as a young woman. She will usually divorce him, or remain with him in a marriage in which she is miserable and thus makes him miserable.

    • GS Jockey says:

      Dingdingding! Deti, you are absolutely correct.

      This AFBB scenario fits my ex-wife to a tee. Other than “sexual disease” and “baby rabies”, this was PRECISELY her situation. I was 32, she was 34, and ours was a disaster of a marriage for ten years. “Miserable” as a description doesn’t quite do it justice. But she mercifully ended the marriage to me the month her son graduated from high school. In retrospect, I actually consider myself lucky since it was only ten years of my life wasted with her instead of a lifetime.

      I am 5 years free of my ex now, and I finally found a high-character, God-fearing woman who loves and respects me. Life is very, very good now. My only regret is that I did not learn about the Red Pill 30 years ago….

      GS Jockey

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  11. gsamo2 says:

    what makes a woman hit the wall age or habit? I mean i’ve heard of 30y/o women who are still virgins. Should i ignore such a woman because of her age?

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