Solipsistic Motherhood

I’ve addressed the harm done to our children, most specifically boys, who haven’t had a decent father in their lives.  In my last post, Aurini did a good job pointing out the harm done to them by self-centered single moms.

But today I’m addressing the damage caused by an awful single mom on a girl.

In short, Alice Walker is a bitch.  Rebecca, her daughter:

The truth is that I very nearly missed out on becoming a mother  –  thanks to being brought up by a rabid feminist who thought motherhood was about the worst thing that could happen to a woman.

You see, my mum taught me that children enslave women. I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale.

And that’s exactly how Ms. Walker raised Rebecca (assuming the article’s correct, and I see no reason to doubt it).  Instead of prioritizing her own child over her politics:

My mother’s feminist principles coloured every aspect of my life. As a little girl, I wasn’t even allowed to play with dolls or stuffed toys in case they brought out a maternal instinct. It was drummed into me that being a mother, raising children and running a home were a form of slavery. Having a career, travelling the world and being independent were what really mattered according to her.

I love my mother very much, but I haven’t seen her or spoken to her since I became pregnant. She has never seen my son  –  her only grandchild. My crime? Daring to question her ideology.

Sounds like a sweetheart, eh?  Sending her daughter off to pre-school at ONE year-old, leaving her with relatives so she can vacation in Greece, calling her daughter a “delightful distraction” but a “calamity” nonetheless for interfering with mom’s independence, leaving her alone at thirteen for months on end, encouraging her to become sexually active (also at thirteen), not attending her events at school, making her feel guilty for enjoying the company of her step-mother (who seemed to actually do a decent job), refusing to even meet her grandson, and finally disowning her own daughter and cutting her out of  her will.  (I admit I could be jumping to conclusions, but I have suspicions that the breakup of Rebecca’s parents may have been Alice’s fault.)

We often criticize feminine solipsism.  After all, for us guys it’s annoying as hell.  However, it has an important role, for when men properly uphold objective standards, we need women to be as subjective as possible regarding the worth of her own children.  Nobody’s going to care for that little tyke as much as mom.  When we’re still drooling all over ourselves, we somebody who cares for us in the most Selfist manner possible.

Yet as “reproductive rights” separates sex from pro-creation, feminism severs female solipsism from motherhood itself.   She’s supposed to be “selfish” in order to procure the necessary resources and advantages to give her offspring the best possible chance to thrive.  If she considers motherhood to be some sort of unnecessary burden, in effect she severs that child from herself.  The solipsism reflects back on Mom instead of Child and becomes one of the ugliest forms of selfishness.

I’d bet that in business dealings Alice Walker is as cut-throat as the most greedy patriarchal capitalist alive.  She probably doesn’t tip the waitress very much, either (save the generosity for the distant poor in Africa).

A woman is designed to love another, to put her child’s well-being above her own.  However, we live in a world in which women are trained to view the world through the prism of themselves.  The solipsism that’s supposed to benefit the next generation instead serves to deprive it.  The miracle for which Sara and Elisabeth were so very grateful is now a curse that just means you have to shell out more money for babysitters when you want to go out and party.

Fortunately, it seems as though Rebecca dodged a bullet and turned out okay despite the “empowering” politics of her mother (with much help from her father and step-mother I’m sure).  Is she perfect?  No.  The father of her child is a “partner” and not a husband.  Although she concedes that the abortion she had in her youth was harmful, she still thinks it was the right thing for her to do at the time.  She’s obviously “gotten around” a bit, too.

Yet by and large it does appear that she’s overcome much of her mother’s curse.  Somehow, Rebecca was able to connect with her own femininity in time to become a mother and to appreciate motherhood.  All too often girls who are raised like that end up like this instead.

Of course, such happy endings are exceptions, the scars may well be with her for the rest of her life.  Nevertheless, I wish Rebecca and Tenzin all the best and will pray for them.

As the child of a broken home myself, I know that to overcome crap like this you need all the help you can get.