Fear (guest post by deti)

Among many other instances of educational malpractice towards men that
North American Churchianity is guilty of, is what they teach men about
fear.    Fear is to be, well, feared.  It’s to be avoided rather than
faced head on.

Here’s what your current church probably teaches men about fear:

Fear is a normal human emotional response that cannot be mastered or overcome.  Fear can only be responded to and managed.   If you are afraid of something, it is only a sign of healthy caution, and you should use this as a guardrail to your conduct.   You should avoid and stay away from things that make you afraid.   You should not attemptto master or overcome fear, because that could lead to injury, death
or sin.

This is wrong, of course.  But too many men are told this, for many
reasons, I suppose.  The vagaries and pitfalls of modern society.
One need make only one grave mistake, and one’s career or marriage or
friendship will be destroyed.   If one avoids the “bad” stuff, it is
thought, one will gravitate to the “good” stuff.   If we’re
preoccupied about fear, that alone will send us into fear, and so the
natural and best response is to avoid it altogether.

Or, more likely, as set out above, people – and our Church – have
forgotten the nature of fear.

Most men, especially blue pillers, are driven by fear.   They simply
respond to and manage fear.  To them (and many of us), fear can’t be
overcome and done away with; it simply is a part of life that can only
be quelled and suppressed.   The reason they do, or don’t do, anything
is because they’re afraid.

They fear action and possible failure, so they don’t approach the girl
or go for the dream job.   They refuse to pursue a dream, spend the
money, buy that one thing they wanted, or go to that place they wanted
to see.    They don’t do the work, they don’t ask.    They fear
inaction, so they do what everyone else tells them to do.  They don’t
think and they don’t want to have to learn how to think because
they’re afraid of being wrong.    They simply act based on avoiding
fear and pain.    They fear life, so they do others’ bidding and
accept table scraps as their due.   They fear death, so they do all of
what others want and none of what they need, just so they can stay
alive.    They fear God, not because they love or revere Him, but
because they think He’ll punish them.   They fear God not because of
what He might do for them or expect of them; but because of what He’ll
do to them if they do this or don’t do that.

Fear must be mastered and overcome.  For fear—your fear – will never
go away, except by faith, and by love.   Faith in one’s God and the
resulting faith in oneself to crush fear, are the only healthy and
efficient responses to fear.   Because fear will always reappear in
your mind and heart.  After you overcome one set of fears, another
will appear and present itself for your address, your facing it, and
your surmounting it.   And that same fear will present itself again
and again until you have defeated it, or until it defeats you, or
until you are dead.

Running away won’t beat it.   Avoiding it won’t beat it.   Staying
away won’t beat it.   The answer isn’t on a computer screen, or in a
chemical you put into your lungs or veins.  It’s not in a bottle or in
a bank account.   And the answer certainly is not between a woman’s
legs.   The answer is in your response to God and the events He puts
into your life.   The answer – your answer – will be in how you
address Him, and, by extension, how you address your fears.

Will you do what everyone else tells you to do?  Or will you think for
yourself and reach your own conclusions?    Will you lie down and
quit, and thereby hasten your death?   Or will you put up your dukes
and fight for what’s rightfully yours?   Will you go when it’s time to
go; stop when it’s time to stop?  Or will you simply allow the random
winds of life to blow you about from place to place, mewling about how
you have no choice in the matter?    Will you say what needs to be
said when it’s time to speak?   Will you be silent when it’s time to
keep your mouth shut?    If there’s nothing left for you where you
are, will you go to find greener pastures; or will you just stay
because you’re afraid to go?   Will you use the new tools you find
here and that He gives you?   Or will you stay where it’s safe?

The choice is yours.   But choose you will, and choose you must.   For
your refusal to choose is itself choosing.    Choose faith, not fear.
Choose life, not death.  Choose yourself.    Get up.  Fight.  Do the
work that needs to be done.   Go where you need to go and some places
you want to go.  But you will have to fight for it.   You will have to
do what every man before you has done and had to do.  You will have to
get up, go, fight, and take dominion over your circumstance.   You
must fight for what you want, and take what you want.   It is only
through your decisive action that you will vanquish your fear once and
for all.   And you cannot do this through responding to and managing
fear.   You cannot do this through reaction to whatever happens to
you.    All this will be possible only through positive action,
through mastery and domination.

 

[Martel’s Note:  I apologize for the sporadic nature of my posts lately.  No, I’m not having a breakdown.  To the contrary, I’m working quite assiduously on my book.  However, writing a book isn’t easy.  Not only does it require extensive research and mental organization (like making sure I can file away that great blog post I just read so that I can find it when I need it in Chapter 9), it takes a ton of time.  I’m still working full-time, trying to keep in shape, managing all the mundane crap in my life like bills and errands, trying to talk to flesh-and-blood human beings every once in a while, and even occasionally just relaxing.  But that doesn’t leave a lot of time for blogging.

Nevertheless, I love doing this blog and want to keep it up.  Fortunately, it looks like in the near future I’ll be able to drop a couple of major drains on my time.  When that happens, I’ll be back with regular long posts.  If I have to, instead of my typical long posts, I might do shorter ones like those at Alpha Game or something.  Either way, I won’t quite disappear.

Thus far, everyone who’s seen my outline and what I’ve let them read of it is impressed.  I’m covering a wide swath of manosphere-related topics, and nothing to my knowledge has covered what I’m covering in quite the same way.  I’m having to do it more slowly that I’d prefer, but I’m doing it.

In the meantime, much thanks to deti for providing this post.  If any of y’all have something similar in mind, let me know.]

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9 Responses to Fear (guest post by deti)

  1. monkeywerks says:

    Excellent. On point about so many things.

  2. Exfernal says:

    Why don’t you explain why there is fear in the first place? it’s the fear of death, unbearable pain and/or permanent disfigurement that stops me from plunging headlong from a tall building. I’m sure that fear COULD be overcome as well. Doesn’t mean it would be a good idea.

  3. peregrinejohn says:

    Beautifully done, deti. It’s a topic I haven’t broached with my young authors with whom I discuss many things, but one which I’ve seen coming.

    Looking forward to the book, Martel. Nice to hear you haven’t drowned in it!

    Exfernal, fear itself explains why it exists, and those who would be led by it (or “manage” it, meaning to minimize and push it away while being led by it) will cheerfully explain even if it isn’t necessary. Deti’s point is that fear is an emotion (feewing!) like any other, if more primal than most, and as such is an indicator, not a dictum. If you are ruled by emotion you will not achieve anything… that you’d want, anyway. You must return emotion to where it belongs, and that is as a tool instead of your master.

  4. Exfernal says:

    Your brain performs ’emotional calculus’ in the ‘background’ (IOW subconsciously) before any decision you make. Fear is one of elements that could be included in that equation. Who could ignore fear entirely? Berserkers, psychopaths, people in mania or under the influence of some psychoactive compounds. Should I join them? Or perhaps try to override the result of emotional calculus with conscious effort based on rational predictions?

    Taking risks ‘for fun’ is not an effective alternative.

  5. Joe Katzman says:

    Well, if you need a guest post, it’s hard to do better than deti. And the book sounds awesome.

    Hopefully, as it comes together, we’ll see a bunch of excerpts here, where we’ll be able to comment on them and maybe suggest some good stuff for you.

    As for Exfernal, taking risks for fun can be awesome. But it can’t be replicated as an end point, you have to start in the same place you started with any kind of activity like this that you already like. Which is to say, interest and a desire to be good/ participate that’s bigger than your fear. Throw a bit of initial success on that, and you’re rolling. Want more proof? Look at the structure of any good computer game.

  6. Joe Katzman says:

    FM, in future, use http://www.scr.im for this sort of thing. Fantastic tool for purpose.

  7. Robert What? says:

    Very good, compelling article. However, unfortunately I am married so much of this does not apply to me as my freedom of action and movement over my own life is extremely limited. However, if I was a single guy this would be very motivating.

  8. infowarrior1 says:

    The churches can take a few pages from the orthodox in terms of masculinity:
    An active not a passive faith is one of them:

    http://journeytoorthodoxy.com/2010/10/28/why-orthodox-men-love-church/

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