A Bun Dance Mentality

[Alternate video to bring the phrase “A Bun Dance” to life here.]

For my last post, Donal Graeme left a comment that I think needs to be addressed.  I wouldn’t pick on him were it not for how he clarifies his own dilemma elsewhere.

“If I find her, great. If not, I’ll still have a blast.”

I agree with the first part, but I’m not so sure its going to be a blast with or without her.

My Yoda video reply was the very first thing that came to mind when I read this, for it violates one of the most fortuitous intersections between Christianity and Game.

It’s a word with cheesey connotations that you’ll rarely hear outside of a religious setting, but the word “rejoice” appears 192 times in the King James Bible.  It’s an old-fashioned way to say “have a blast”, and it’s not a request:  it’s a command.

Some Biblical mandates seem to hinder the morally upright man, this isn’t one of them.  A man’s joy indicates to a woman that he’s got purpose in life, that she can supplement his Mission but can’t be his Mission.  It puts the man himself into the proper mindset to exploit whatever advantages might come his way and to put any hindrances in the proper perspective.  It shows God that you’re grateful, that you’re on your way, you’re ready for more.

By “joyful” I don’t mean walking around with a dippy smile all day long.  Sometimes men express joy in a dead serious manner, one that can even strike women as obsessed or angry.  The football coach barking commands at his team during the final timeout of the game, the writer’s intense concentration as he’s rewriting the sentence for the thirteenth time, and the bodybuilder grunting and breathing before he gets under the bar, all are consumed with life.  They’re not looking towards that magical day when they’ve found a wonderful wife (or won the Superbowl, or scored a record deal, or won the lottery), they’re taking life by the raisins and making the most out of it now.

Do they want to achieve their goals.  Without a doubt, but they’re not waiting for that special day to be happy.  That new band that’s playing it’s heart out and blowing away all eight people watching their show wants a record deal, desperately.  Yet somehow you can tell during the bass solo that these guys aren’t just waiting around for a record deal.

The Cruelest Verse of Kindness

For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath.

Mark 4:25

This verse makes many people uncomfortable.  It seems to advocate some sort of harsh dog-eat-dog existence in which the rich are destined for greater wealth and the poor damned to eternal destitution.  It almost feels downright cruel.

Yet we see examples of it almost every day:  the guy who’s one text away from having sex with a blonde or a redhead gets to leave the party with the brunette, the random gust of wind robbing the slumping batter of a clutch triple, how your car breaks down on the same day your wife leaves you.

On the other hand, remember when everybody was worried that Microsoft was going to take over the universe?  And don’t lots of PUA’s describe themselves as former omegas?  Obviously, there’s something more at work.

Faith Isn’t Just a Feeling

In one sense, whether or not we’re a hath or a hath not depends on objective criteria:  do you have a job, multiple romantic prospects, a great build, etc.  However, in another equally important sense, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with anything outside your own head.  I guarantee that some people with more money that you’ll ever see feel poor, whereas some Filipino who just scored his first laptop feels richer than you ever will.  Game trains us on how to use this internal reality to our advantage.

Why do PUA’s advocate that we wait twenty minutes before responding to a text?  Yes, it gets her hamster going, but on a deeper level, why does it get her hamster going?

Waiting to respond to a text replicates the behavior of the guy who’s got something else going on in his life, which is the type of guy she’s wired to want.  The text delay might indicate that he has an impressive social life to juggle, he’s immersed in finding a cure for herpes, or damn near anything else.  In any case, he’s got priorities besides just her.  This indicates to her that he has value, that he’s not easy to figure out, that he’s the type of guy she might be able to look up to.  That’s why it gets her hamster going, and why getting her hamster going turns her on.

A guy who’s just learning Game may be spending that entire twenty minutes watching the clock, wondering if he’s strategizing properly (Does twenty minutes exactly seem too contrived?  Maybe I should wait until twenty-one, but that seems contrived, too.  Twenty-three?  Yeah.  No, that seems too random to really be random.  I’ll go for twenty-two.  Or how about nineteen….).  But eventually, what starts out as mimicry becomes the reality.  He gets the text, decides to wait for twenty minutes without really thinking about it, and then forgets all about her as he gets immersed in something else altogether and winds up texting her forty-one minutes later (even more appealing?).  He might not have so much as one other romantic prospect, but not only does he give the impression that he “hath”, he’s well on his way to actually “hathing” (sp?).

People often speak of how you could just tell how some new band or singer was going to make it big, even when they had to load their own equipment onto the back of the truck.  Men learning Game become haths even before they get any tangible successes with women, first in how they present themselves, but eventually in how they actually are.  You don’t get anywhere with the babe every other dude wants as a hath not, even if you don’t actually have squat.  The first time the PUA “scored”, he presented himself as an experienced master of women, even if that was his first success with one ever.

Sometimes we have trouble squaring the two realities, the mindset of the rich guy who’s actually broke.  Indeed, it’s easier to present yourself as a hath when you’ve got some facts to back it up (and common sense is also important:  if you can’t afford the new flat-screen, don’t buy it just because that’s what you would do if you were rich).  External reminders help.

Nevertheless, those externals are and forever will be secondary to what’s going on inside of you.  If you’ve got moral issues with “spinning plates”, you can still flirt with the girl at the register, start random conversations with the tatooed hipster, present an eternal Alpha frame, be excited about starting a new day, and make every woman have to work to impress you.  My skills are nothing compared to some of yours, but I’ve dominated rooms in which the poorest person there made three times what I did.  Objectively, I was nothing.  Subjectively, I was the most successful guy there.

That verse that seems so cruel actually hides a very pleasant truth:  If you want to be a hath, all you have to do is be one.

Plead Not

One of the problems I have with lots of Christians is that we sometimes forget how to pray:

God, pleeeasse get me this new job.  If You give me this job I promise I’ll never ask for anything ever again and I’ll spend every weekend volunteering with homeless children for the rest of my life.  You’ve got to do this for me if you want me to be happy.

As we completely ignore Mark 11:24:

Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

You mean God wants us to think like we’re getting good stuff even before we get it?  We’re supposed to be grateful ahead of time?

Yes, Not only does He wants us to pray like we believe, He wants us to be a hath before He ever acts, even when external circumstances tell us we’re closer to pathetic.  That’s how we show we can handle it when He does come through.  We become hath in our own heads so that “it shall be given”.

Donal himself alluded to a similar concept in an earlier comment:

If one seriously examines scripture, you see that there is a constant pairing of reward/power with responsibility throughout. At least, that seems to be the case for men. I do not think that to be an accident, for the Lord understands us better than we ourselves.

Absolutely, and that principle doesn’t just apply to responsibility, it applies to all gifts.  When our minds are filled with gratitude even when we’re living in a homeless shelter, it’s a declaration that we’ll actually appreciate a home of our own.  If you can be driven, committed to your Mission, and “having a blast” even without your help meet, you’re telling Him that you deserve a damn good one.

Why So Serious?

I’ll readily admit that I’m often accused of being inordinately serious.  Part of the reason for this is that so many things that others think of as work, I find fun.  Recently in a discussion with a pair of lefties (with two observers who didn’t say anything), I ripped into one of them as I got the other to start taking my side.  I probably sounded downright angry, but I was having a blast; the grump who smiles really wide on the inside.

At present, I have to spend the bulk of my free time in serious pursuits.  I don’t have the time for watching goofy comedies or sports that I wish I had.  There’s a lot in my life I want to change.

However, I’m starting to pick up some of the abundance mentality I’m writing about here.  I can’t devote as much of time to doing what I really want as I’d like, but I am able to give it some time, and I’m finally making the most of it instead of just bitching about how I need more time.

I’ve also recently been given the opportunity to meet lots of women.  They’re not exactly the types of women I’m looking for, but I still get to practice getting into their heads.  I’m not “spinning plates” in that I didn’t even ask for the tattooed bartender’s phone number that I would have killed for two years ago (I’m starting to find mental issues a turn-off, go figure).  However, later that night a self-described “strict Catholic girl” was so impressed by my description of the complementary roles of religion and science that she suggested that we behave in a decidedly unstrict manner (no, I didn’t take her up on it).

My Game is nothing compared to many of yours, but I’m making up for my lack of skills with attitude.  Whether or not I “succeed” at whatever social task I have before me, I have fun with it.  There’s a balance wherein you do what it takes to achieve something, but you don’t stress about it going your way.  You might think about it constantly, but you’re never really worried.

Worry doesn’t please God, and it’s not exactly chick crack, either.

It Is Not Good

I’m fully aware that “[i]t is not good that the man should be alone“, and I understand how easy it is to get down about the dearth of decent women out there.

However, it’s even worse to not only be, but feel alone, so I won’t let myself go there.  A man who’s worried about finding a good woman will worry about wooing her if he finds her.  If despite that he manages to woo her, he’ll worry about losing her.  If he’s worried about losing her, he probably will, even if she’s as devout as Ruth herself (Dominique’s marriage to Peter Keating in The Fountainhead is a great example of how a man can lose a submissive wife).

No woman wants that.  She needs a rock, somebody in whom she can place all of her trust, a man who loves her but will do just fine without her.  She’s got to feel like you’re bringing her along for the ride, not that she’s a precious stone that might get lost.

I want the best woman humanity has to offer, and if I get her it’ll help out a ton.  But if I don’t, I don’t.

He’s told me not to worry.  He understands (even the getting really horny part):

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

This entry was posted in Alpha, Game, Religion, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to A Bun Dance Mentality

  1. donalgraeme says:

    I knew after I posted that comment that there was something wrong with it. Rebuke accepted.

    • Martel says:

      We ALL make the same mistake in at least one area of our lives. The fact that you wrote that other comment shows that in some ways you get it.

      Or, you just had a brain fart and I ran with it.

  2. earl says:

    “Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.”


    I get what you say about feeling alone is probably worse than actually being alone. It may sound corny…but I get the idea now that I have a wife (even if it is just in my head). Everything I’m doing now is for her even if she isn’t physically present…my mission is my wife.

    That’s the way it is for every man….everything starts out as a dream and you work your butt off to make it a reality.

  3. Stingray says:

    my mission is my wife

    Earl, if I may (and I do apologize if I am overstepping here) it might be better to think that your mission is your family. What you said here, sounds like pedestalization (though I’ve read your comments enough to believe that’s not what you meant by it). Having a woman, even a very worthy one, be your mission is . . . . dangerous.

    • earl says:

      Sure that works too.

      I suppose I meant it to be more of a metaphor than an actual physical woman. I’m married to whatever God wants me to do here.

      • Peregrine John says:

        Dang copula structures. I misread your initial comment, as well.

  4. infowarrior1 says:

    “You mean God wants us to think like we’re getting good stuff even before we get it? We’re supposed to be grateful ahead of time?

    Yes, Not only does He wants us to pray like we believe, He wants us to be a hath before He ever acts, even when external circumstances tell us we’re closer to pathetic. That’s how we show we can handle it when He does come through. We become hath in our own heads so that “it shall be given”

    So when in prayer I have to imagine that what I ask for is a reality? Even if I truly lack faith. I would have to believe nonetheless no matter what?

    • earl says:


      But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

      James 1: 6-8

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  8. In his book The Dilbert Future, Scott Adams writes about a childhood friend whose family consistently experienced good luck, so much so that they boasted about it. They expected it, and they got it.Adams wrote about a few similar experiences he had as an adult, which led him to decide he would be a world-famous cartoonist before he ever sent out one strip.

    When he got a lump on his neck that was “probably cancer” but could have just been one of those things, he decided it was just one of those things. Which it was.

    He mentions that expecting something bad to happen also works – he bought a new car and kept waiting for someone to hit it. Once it got dinged, he stopped worrying and nothing else happened.

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