Beta Training

In a world of cut and thrust I was always taught to trust

–Neil Peart, “BU2B”


Deti, among the king-commenters of the Manosphere, said this over at Sunshine Mary’s blog [emphasis mine]:

Men are different. From a very early age, we learn that when we get right down to it, we’re basically alone. We’ll have to make our own way in the world, stand alone, be alone, and get to where we want to go alone. We can’t rely on a herd; we have to do it all ourselves. If we fail, we don’t have a support system to help us. We will have to pull ourselves out, alone.

The part that’s not in bold is typical of Deti’s penetrating insight.  Men have to make our own way in the world.  There’s no sympathy for us if we fail, no prince in shining armor prances along to save us.  That’s for girls.

But I disagree somewhat with the part in bold.  As I’ve alluded to here, we’re not necessarily taught these things.  Instead, we’re often led to believe the opposite.

A boy today is simultaneously cut down in two related but distinct ways.

First, he is implicitly shown throughout his childhood and adolescence that the male way is the wrong way.  Competition fosters disharmony.  Excessive energy demonstrates mental illness.  Having an independent spirit means you’re antisocial.  If girls don’t want you around, that’s their right, but if you want to go off with other boys, you’re a budding chauvinist.  It’s more important to go along with the crowd than to take a stand.  If a bully attacks you, the right thing to do is to tell on him.

And when he sees other males succeeding who reject these views, either on the playing field or with women, he’s told some variation of “”this is just high school, the real world’s not like that.”  As Free Northerner so accurately puts it:

The young bully will get his. God, the market, and the state will punish him in time. Someday our young beta will be his bully’s boss. He’ll have the nice house and pretty wife, while the bully is working at McDonald’s.

“Reject your masculine nature, young man.”  That’s how they take away his sword.

At the same time, he’s often coddled like a girl.  He can’t play with his friends without adult supervision.  If he sucks at T-ball, they won’t keep score so he doesn’t have to feel the pain of defeat.  (Do they even pick teams like they used to?  Heaven forbid some kid gets picked last.)  Grade inflation ensures that he’ll pass all of his classes (often with A’s) through very little effort on his part.  He gets all the new video games he wants to keep his aggressive instincts satiated.

He’s coddled, protected, nurtured, continually told he’s special.  The world is a soft and cushy pillow that will guide him to safety so long as he doesn’t rock the boat by acting like a man.  You’re safe, sweetie.  “You’ll get your reward” if you behave.

And there goes his shield.

Instead of being shown that “he’s basically alone”, he has a mother that has cared for him and solved nearly all of his problems for him.  He wasn’t taught that he’ll “have to make his own way in the world” because he was educated with “cooperative learning”, able to sponge off the smart kids if he has a hard time.  If he tries to “stand alone” or “be alone” he’s told he’s not an adequate team player and brought back into the safety of the herd, the herd where women learn to thrive.

Unfortunately, as men “[w]e’ll have to make our own way in the world” without the cushions and safety on which we’ve been taught to depend.  By the time we literally “have to do it all ourselves” many of us have never accomplished anything on our own.

“We have to pull ourselves out, alone.”  But the only way to do that is as a man, and we’re training the man out of our boys before they’ve even reached puberty.  We’re expecting them to build lives for themselves when they’ve never so much as built their own science fair project.

Free Northerner:

He spends his free time playing video games. He occasionally has fanciful ideas about starting his own business, but he doesn’t know how. He has no idea how to start. No one ever taught him and everybody had always told him to pursue a stable corporate job.

And he gets screwed over at his “stable corporate job” by the guys who skipped all the lessons he so dutifully learned, the men who didn’t have to wear knee-pads when they rode their bikes around the block.  Somehow somebody else always gets credit for his ideas. He cooperates with the salesman when he buys a car and pays $1,500 more than he would have had to if he weren’t so against our archaic win/lose economy.  He treats people right, believing that “everything will work out for the best” so long as he ignores that competitive urge that still lingers in the back of his mind.

…he is promised that if he does good , he will get a good job, have lots of money, marry a loving wife, and have kids of his own; he looks forward to that.

Only it never happens.  He went to this battle we call “life” armed with good intentions instead of a killer instinct, his training manual I’m Okay, You’re Okay instead of The Art of War.

But unlike the girls who were brought up the same way, nobody feels sorry for him if he fails.  Nobody rescues him or offers him oodles of government cash.  Instead he’s a waste, a deadbeat, not any sort of victim.  He’s just a loser who was unable to capitalize on his advantageous status as a WHAM (white heterosexual able-bodied male).

“We will have to pull ourselves out, alone.”

Indeed we will, and just about all of us will someday know it, even if it’s when we’re forty-two living in a studio apartment alone with a crappy job.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what we were taught.

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11 Responses to Beta Training

  1. A damn fine post.

    I have a post scheduled for tomorrow that has a transcript of a short debate I made on facebook. I’d be interested in your opinions on both the thoughts and the debate. It sadly, feel into a “I’m not sure if she read this” category, though I suspect she did and just never responded.

  2. deti says:


    I’m a “king commenter” now? Among many undeserved accolades directed my way. Thanks very much, kind sir.

  3. Just Saying says:

    Life isn’t fair – never has been, never will be… The “beta” is an evolutionary dead end – most men are, and a lot of them who are supporting children, are supporting the children of “alphas” and will never have off-spring of their own.

    To the alpha goes the spoils… The betas have no one to blame but themselves, sure they were raised by mommy and absorbed all of her BS, but the girls were too – but they had evolution to drive their attraction to men like me, and I take advantage of it every night and especially on the weekends. Sure, all they have to do is spread their legs for my approval if they look good – but all of you betas are the ones supporting my b*stard off-spring… And I thank you for that. Doesn’t mean I won’t stop having sex with those sweet young things…

    You can keep complaining that life isn’t fair, and it won’t make it fair. But you know what? I couldn’t care less… So either do something about it, or shut up and stop your whining, and get back to picking up my discards… That is all you’re good enough for… You can keep crying to Mommy because the big-boys really don’t care…

    • Martel says:

      “So either do something about it, or shut up and stop your whining, and get back to picking up my discards… ”

      I’m doing something about it by alerting us to how we got into this mess so that we can put a stop to it.

      You’re absolutely correct that being a beta is an “evolutionary dead end”, so it doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense for us to actively encourage all of our kids to end up as somebody else’s slave.

      And if you think like will be cool for Alphas if we wipe out all the betas, not necessarily. In a world in which only the strong survive, it’s often the second strongest guy (98th percentile of badassedness) who has the most to fear. True Alphas eliminate potential threats.

      Today it’s all about poon, tomorrow it might be about a hell of a lot more.

      • infowarrior1 says:

        When all the beta men gang up on you. Not so arrogant will you be.

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  6. RadishMag says:

    Thought-provoking stuff. Rings true.

    RE: “Competition fosters disharmony” — I like Guillaume Faye’s definition of competition from Why We Fight: “Competition, or the struggle for life, constitutes the principal motor force of evolution in everything from bacteria to humans, as well as history. … An individual or a group or a people not in competition with one another are threatened in the long run by dying off. Vital forms of harmony are paradoxically born as much from struggle as from concord. And the choice of one’s friends is inextricably linked to the designation of one’s enemy. … It’s the law of the strongest, the most capable, the most flexible that always dominates,” etc.

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  8. infowarrior1 says:

    Reblogged this on Breaking through illusions and commented:
    Martel makes some good points. The whole society is essentially stacked against the male. If it were possible I would like to reach out to such men.

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