“Just be yourself!”
–Every woman advising the males in her life on how to do well with women for the last few centuries
We’ve all heard it, the advice from hell. Following it is the reason we didn’t get the girl. It’s also the reason we didn’t get the job, the reason we don’t have as many friends as we should, the reason our lives aren’t what they should be.
Why doesn’t this work? Shouldn’t ourselves be good enough? Shouldn’t we just be able to act naturally?
No. And here’s why:
The distinction between a boy and a man is far more than the presence of a deeper voice, a bit more muscle mass, and pubic hair (now usually shaved). Man must know how to master his environment. He has to interact with other men and fit into their hierarchy. He has to know how to provide for himself and to get what he wants out of life. He has to master his feelings and appetites. He can not allow himself to be subjugated by Woman, even though for the first few years of his life it’s Woman that loves him more than anything and keeps him safe from the wolves.
First, this requires an understanding of the world and how it operates. A is A. You can’t get the new Ipod if you’ve only got $150 to your name unless you can sucker somebody into giving it to you or you’re willing to risk jail. Too many Cheetos and video games and you won’t be able to fit through the door. No matter how fast you flap your arms, you can’t fly.
You won’t get into the NHL unless you spend a lot of time on the ice, and even then there’s no guarantee. Not even close. What are your chances? Is it worth the risk? Time spent puck-handling can’t be spent on chasing skirts or studying for your trig exam.
Pain sucks but it’s necessary. That bodybuilder doesn’t look like a god just because of his genes. He spends lots of time in the gym, and when he’s there it hurts like hell.
Being nice doesn’t necessarily get you very far. Now and then it can help, but for a man, niceness=weakness unless you first prove otherwise.
People are bastards. They will fuck you to get what they want. There are helpers out there, and thank God for them, but don’t count on them. It’s all on you, kid.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch. You can’t have your cake and eat it to. All that glitters is not gold. Math doesn’t lie. Sometimes cheap hotels are nasty, but sometimes you don’t care.
So, that’s how the world operates. Great. Is that all there is?
Far from it. There’s beauty and tragedy, right and wrong, triumph and regret. Justice and injustice. Moral and immoral?
You might know how to fight your way to the top, but do you belong there? Is it okay to beat your girlfriend, even if it turns her on? Should you steal it even if you know you won’t get caught? Is it okay to run that other guy out of business because your service kicks ass?
There’s you, and then there’s other than you. Which should surrender to which, when, and why?
Can you be just without being a sucker? Is You all there is? Do you believe in a morality beyond yourself, and if so, what is it? To what extent are your standards universal, and when do you have the right to enforce them?
Got it? All of it? Good. That’s your start.
And then there’s you, that “self” everybody keeps telling you to be.
As a man, you are your answers to all of these questions, and then some. You know what is, you believe in what should be, but You Are what You Are. You Are Your Mission.
Before you understand this, to “just be yourself” is poison. “Yourself” is then a boy, and boys being themselves get sympathy and make people laugh but they don’t get the job, and they don’t get the girl. To “just be yourself” before you understand “yourself” is to tell that hot chick you’re still a child, you’re untrained, you’re not man enough for her.
But what if you’re no longer “yourself” but you become “Your Self”? What if you understand why you’ve been born, and you’re living your life accordingly? You’re not naive, but you do believe. You’ve found your Balance. You know when pain means “back off” and when it’s just trying to scare you away from glory.
You know what you want, you know how to get it, and it’s all but yours. Then, to be “Your Self” gets panties wet. You’re the Man she’s craving because there are so few of You out there.
Is it beta to hold the door for her? If “you” want to hold it open for her because she’s calling the shots, hell yes. If “You” hold the door for her because You have decided that that’s what men do for ladies it’s Alpha as hell.
Learning Game is training. It’s mastering the ways of the world and how to maximize your presence in it. Becoming an Alpha is you becoming You.
So yeah, just be Your Self.