Nobody owes you, Not one goddamn thing
“Sorry”–Axl Rose, Paul Tobias, Dizzy Reed
I had another amazingly insightful post written last night. I wanted to improve it just a bit before posting, and wham, disappeared, again.
So, instead of reading about how solipsism has corrupted linguistic interpretation and thereby law, you’ll just get a little rant, perhaps a warning.
At Return Of Kings there’s a post about how men are so often portrayed as doofuses in the mainstream media, especially commercials. It’s a good post, and I agree with it.
Commenter Hans Sluitspear disagrees. He writes:
I like what gunwitch has to say about this. He says feminists who get upset over a random thing where a woman is made fun of do so because they don’t have an identity outside of their gender. Men usually do. I know I do. That’s why I really don’t get offended by any of the above. If you do you just being a male counterpart of a feminist imo. Who gives a fuck if women make fun of “men”? I understand the trend as such may be interesting. You missed two key examples in your description though: Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin.
Hans also has a point. We’re not women, we don’t naturally get all hot and bothered because some dude with whom we have nothing in common just got ketchup sprayed on his face on TV. Let women, or if absolutely necessary, “oppressed” minorities worry about that crap.
I reply to Hans:
I see your point, and that’s also my natural inclination. Unfortunately, that’s what they’re using against us.
It’s against our nature to complain about this sort of stuff. We don’t want to consider ourselves to be victims (what could be less masculine than a whiny bitch?), so we let this it slide. How could a tough guy like me be bothered by some dumbass commercial? Let women get their panties in a bunch over being “objectified”.
So for me as an individual, it’s no big deal. I don’t give a shit who makes fun of who. I’m me, I’m not the dillhole in any of these commercials, and that’s that.
However, even though I’m not “offended” in that I feel no emotion whatsoever when I see this sort of thing, I do recognize how detrimental it is, especially to kids. This stuff teaches boys not to respect their own future selves because manhood is a joke. Girls are less likely to even suspect that this isn’t how men are supposed to be.
I don’t want men to ever consider themselves to be victims like feminists and so many minorities. Nevertheless, there is injustice and unfairness, and it needs to be pointed out and solved.
We live in a society in which the most “offended” win. It shouldn’t be like that, but it is, and we have to adapt. Eventually, if we get our shit together, we can get rid of the whole “tears will get me free money” crap altogether.
I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want government programs to help me. I just want them to get the hell out of my way.
This talk of victimhood reminded me of the proper way to respond to injustice.
I have a lot to complain about. I’ve been lied to. I had a father who was rarely around and who was a bad influence when he was. I had a mother who loved me and tried to do right by me but who led me far astray. I’ve been depressed, heartbroken, suicidal, broke, and screwed over countless times.
Many have it better; more have it worse. (Cue any feminist reading this to tell me I have nothing to complain about when 98.3% of CEO’s are of the same race and gender as I am, as if that does me any fucking good.)
Still, I am not a victim. What has happened to me does not define me. It affects me, it has scarred me, but it is not who I am. I am what I do about it.
I’ve still been screwed, and I have a right to be pissed. Much more importantly, I have the right to do something about it.
Doing something about it sometimes requires internal work like facing challenges or solving internal problems. Sometimes, it means standing up to and correcting external injustice.
The problem is that we like to emphasize the latter at the expense of the former. “Blame is better to give than receive”, and that makes getting the other guy to change all the more tempting. The problem often is that if we finally get the other guy to change, we’re still stuck with who we are and find that it wasn’t his fault as much as we thought it was.
Sometimes, we never get to that point. There’s always something out there that should change. We can always insist on just a little bit more, and if we’re good with words, we can convince ourselves and others we’re right.
This means that we in the Manosphere will one day face a crossroads. It’s one at which the Civil Rights movement made the wrong turn.
In the 1950’s and 1960’s and before, blacks faced concrete, harsh, and genuine injustice. Things needed to change, and those changes were not only things that blacks needed to do for themselves. People were holding them back, regarding them as unequal before the law. They couldn’t simply do it all themselves. Therefore, appropriately, they rose up and fought against what happened to them.
But something happened along the way. What began as “You need to change this crap so that I can stand or fall on my own” became “You need to change this crap…”, and the crap never seems to go anywhere. I know that the black community soul-searches to find out how to get itself back on course (when it doesn’t think whites are listening), but I also know that if it focused on its teenagers not getting pregnant as much as it focuses on getting more government handouts, it would no longer need the handouts. If today’s legal protections were supported by black family values of the 1940’s, I believe that any racial wealth disparities in this country would be negligible.
The Civil Rights movement went from Galt’s “Get the hell out of my way!” to “No matter what you do it won’t be good enough because you used to be in my way!” From heroism to victimhood, and we see how well it’s worked out.
What men in the aggregate suffer today does not compare to historical racial injustice, although individual men in the courts face unquestionable unfairness. Still, the feminine imperative rules, our boys and young men are rotting within for lack of purpose, and things need to change.
We have to fight what’s being done to us, to call attention to how we’re mocked in commercials, to address the feminine imperative in our churches, families, and schools. Much of what we need to do is to get others to change their behavior.
But we must not allow these imperatives to supersede those within ourselves. We each have internal demons to confront, knots in our gut before we approach, friends and family relationships we need to alter or leave behind. Your manhood is your business, and it will be no matter how much of an ass the Taco Bell commercial guy is.
This seems to be our focus thus far (at least among the PUA and theory blogs, I haven’t spent much time around MGOTW and such). I sense a righteous and justified indignation on our part concerning external issues, but I don’t see much tolerance for whining, either. As men, we’re about getting our own shit together, and we’ll stand by you as long as you’re doing the same.
But I have seen some comments (I’m not calling out the commenters, yet) with a little more “poor me” than “let me kick ass”. “Poor me” is a necessary phase and a necessary revelation. If it becomes more than a phase, it becomes a Womyn’s Studies department in your head.
Still, we live in a society in which the loudest whiner wins, so we’re gonna have to do some whining. As a tactic, that’ll be fine. As a mindset, it will turn us into nothing more than another “oppressed” minority.
Let’s be men about it.